When You Feel Like You Might Crack Up: Emotional Regulation in Business
I’ve been thinking a lot about emotional regulation (ER 🚑) lately.
Not the “light a candle, sit down and meditate” kind, but the kind that helps you respond, rather than react to what's going on right now, in real life, in real time. I believe it's a skill every businesswoman needs.
I talked about this in a short video on Linked In, which I felt inspired to share straight after a session with a client where ER was a cornerstone of the strategy we worked through to tackle a big project on her plate.
But it's not just for the big moments.
It's also key for when the little niggles mount up...
When your inbox is overflowing and your To Do list is squawking
When you’re waiting for a reply to a proposal and are imagining all the things (and none of them positive) as to why it's taking so long
When a comment from a client or a colleague lands a bit too hard
Or… when you just can’t seem to start the thing you meant to do 40 minutes ago.
And sometimes… it’s me
I've needed to lean on it more often recently. I'm in the final training stretch to gain the official certification as an "ADHD-Informed Coach". I'm loving the learning (that's a key value of mine, and curiosity is one of my top 5 strengths), but the practice sessions in front of my peers are taking me right to the edge of what feels like a perilous growth edge.
I've been blending consulting, mentoring, training, advising, facilitating, and coaching for more than 20 years for hundreds of clients across multiple industries. With rare exceptions, the long-term relationships I've had and the feedback I receive indicate that I've usually done a great job.
I've completed numerous studies in neuroscience, positive psychology, business and more, but I don't have formal coaching qualifications. The ICF approach has very strict protocols and boundaries - you must NOT advise your client at all. You are facilitating self-discovery, not providing solutions.
This means I'm having to unlearn my whole natural way of working!
And when my trainer interrupted my practice coaching session three times to (rightfully) correct me in the first 10 minutes in front of all of my new peers, my heart rate skyrocketed, my stomach dropped, Helga (my Inner Critic) started screaming in my ear how "useless I was and that I'd never get this right".
I was at peak "Conscious Incompetence" in the classic learning model, and it took every one of my self-leadership skills to lean into the learning space rather than hit the "leave the Zoom room" button and claim a dodgy internet connection.
Self-regulation felt like a survival technique in that moment! I don't think I've ever breathed more deeply...
What helps when I’m wobbly
I believe self-regulation skills are vital, not as a magic wand, but as a nudge to notice what’s happening inside and choose self-support so you can move through challenges.
Lord knows, noticing isn’t always comfortable. But it is both crucial and kind because it gives you just enough space to ask: "What do I need right now? What would self-support look like here"?
It might be movement. A glass of water. Mindful breathing. Music. Reassurance from a Belief Buddy. There are loads of options.
If this is a skill you'd like to develop or finesse, I’ve created a "Little Lift" - a resource that might help. It’s called the Calm & Clear Compass, and it offers a quick way to move you from “I’m about to combust” to “Ok, maybe I can manage this…” without demanding you be calm and zen like all the time.
You can download a copy here - no opt-in required, just a gift from me to you.
And if you'd like more support as you navigate growth edges in your business, Ignite Membership offers exactly that. We work on both strategy AND self-leadership, because they're inseparable.
If you’d love to explore support, let's connect and talk about what will work best for you.
Because sometimes, keeping calm and carrying on is easier with someone on your team.
